But I've been writing a lot of uber-personal entries lately (the "Gusher" labels), and while they might be interesting or relatable, I don't want this blog to just be entry after entry of me crying about how difficult it is to diet. I promise I'm going to begin scouring the New York Times again for fat news, and coming up with something a little more thoughtful than "woe is me."
But please remind me to write a blog on infertility. I have had ovary problems my whole damned life. The boyfriend and I, while we're not getting married for about a year and half, have decided that we want kids, so we're trying now in the hopes that something will happen. I think that my dead ovaries are a product of my being fat, so I'm going to have to look into this. I've been doing some blog-reading and have discovered that there are other fat chicks out there who have this problem, so I'm going to be researching for the next few days on obesity and infertility. Maybe I can get a handle on why my baby-maker just don't work.
Also, because I really don't want to be THAT girl (see previous post), I need to start blogging about my wedding plans. They are kind of in motion. I've been looking at dresses and we've been considering concepts. I have my Maid of Honor backed into a corner that she can't get out of, so that's positive. In all honesty, one of my biggest reasons for losing weight is that I don't want to be a fat bride. I want to look back at my wedding photos and not be shaking my head about it, you know?
I think, come September, I'm going to get a personal trainer. The hope is that by then, I will have lost around 30 pounds or so... (I would DIE if I could get below 200, but I know that that might be asking too much), and I think at that point I'll be emotionally ready to have someone else assess my fitness level. Right now, it's still tender, but I've "come out of the closet" on Facebook about being fat, and it's actually been met with a lot of positivity, like "I feel your pain, I'm right there with you, etc. etc."
I think that fatness is such a sensitive topic that no one likes to talk about it. So even though about 60% of American adults are overweight or obese, it still feels like we're suffering through it by ourselves because it's just not something you publicly discuss. The majority of us might be fat, but we don't like to admit it... because fatness is a weakness in the eyes of most (including ourselves). We need to really claim it for what it is... it's a challenge in so many respects, I won't even bother listing them.
So I'm finally back down to pre-New York weight, so I think that's one of the reasons I feel good. If I see that scale drop below 240 on Sunday, I'll be elated. But thank you all for the support. It really does help. Keep your eye on the blog. I promise, it's going to get more interesting from here on out.