Diet: Oh, the humanity!!!

I am having a really hard time with my diet because I am a foodie.  I am not one to mindlessly eat.  I don't just shove stuff down my gullet because it's there.  I eat because I really, really enjoy it.  I especially love restaurants.  Not Mickey D's or Wendy's or something stupid like that.  Not Olive Garden or Ruby Tuesday.  I like GOOD restaurants, like this one.  So this diet has been really hard for me, because I love good, creative food.  I like wine and beer (again, I'll drink a Bud Light, but I'm kind of passionate about those thick, Belgian ales).  It's almost devastating that I was telling myself that I can't do that...

So Jon called me out on being a bitch today.  He slept late, and by that time, I'd already been up for a couple of hours.  I'd swept and Swiffered the floors, dusted my furniture, vacuumed (with my new vacuum cleaner - yay!) and cleaned the bathroom.  He had some things to do this morning, so I was kind of pissed, because I had to go back to Target and pick up the stuff I'd forgotten the day before.  Today was picture-hanging day, and tying up loose ends.  My "office" is fully functional now (I had to get a mouse pad because my Mighty Mouse just won't work on my metal desk... along with some other things to sew up), got a new DVD player for the entertainment system (which consists of a REALLY nice TV... which is Jon's, but he's not using it because he has an even bigger, nicer one mounted over his fireplace in his condo, an X-Box, and now the DVD player)...  Whatever.  I was mad, though, because I thought he was going to go do this with me, and he just had to go and sleep till 11 because he's a weenie.

So I went by myself, picked up the stuff, came back and we hung all of my art (it looks really awesome now, by the way... couldn't be happier), and I guess I was being a bitch.  This isn't too weird, because I'm usually kind of a twat... I just attribute it to my cantankerous but charming personality... but I guess it was more than usual.  So we had a sit-down talk of our expectations for each other regarding weight.  I guess last summer, after we started dating, Jon practically starved himself to lose weight because he thought I wouldn't want to be with him because he was fat.  And I confessed that my main motivation for this whole diet is to keep him from dumping me for better-looking tail.

And for three weeks, we haven't gone out to eat like we used to.  Granted, it was excessive sometimes, but sharing a really excellent meal is something that we really used to like doing.  This diet has gotten in the way of it.  I haven't even had a drink for two weeks!  Not one ounce of alcohol has passed my lips.

So... we went all out.  We went down to Uncommon Ground on Devon, which is SUCH a great restaurant (everything is local, organic, etc.), and we overdid it.  And I don't feel guilty.  Because the conversation was good.  The wine was excellent.  The food was amazing.  I had a chicken breast over swiss char with butternut squash and a little bit of melted brie on top, served in some sort of apple liquor reduction... and it was amazing.  And we even split an apple crisp with salty peanut gelato for dessert.  I haven't eaten like that for a long time, and I was pleasantly buzzed, not too full (because Jon finished my entree and ate most of the dessert), and it was awesome.

I need to make sure that I don't make myself give that up completely.  Good food and good booze are actually passions of mine.  I like writing about it, analyzing it, savoring it...  I actually feel guilty that I don't feel more guilty about it.  But it's something that I've really come to enjoy while being with Jon.  We've eaten at some amazing places in the past year, both here in Chicago and whilst traveling.

So, we decided that we need to do this once a month.  That's limiting ourselves from our pre-diet habits, but indulging compared to the past three weeks.  It's just something that I'm not willing to give up.  I wish I could explain it better...  Because it sounds like I'm quitting or I'm giving up, and I'm not.  I'm just kind of adjusting what I've been doing to allow for something that I really enjoy doing with my boyfriend, and have since we started dating.

I wonder how it's going to be this week...  Overall, I was at a loss.  I lost 1.8 pounds to be exact, which isn't terrible.  At least it's a loss.  The last time I really indulged (and I still didn't let myself REALLY indulge) was when Jon's parents were in town, and I drank like it was going out of style and ate gnocchi, of all things...  And I lost 4 pounds that week.

Maybe I'm being ridiculous?  Or trying to talk my way out of something?  But I'm still savoring the atmosphere, the wine, the brie...  Is that something I have to give up, or is there a way that I can still have my cake and eat it, too?

I guess the scale will be the ultimate decider.  But I'm a foodie, tried and true, and I can't just ignore that big about myself, can I?