Maybe it was the stress at work.
I missed Thursday and Friday, and I came back to twenty messages in my voice mail box, and a whole buttload of work to do. I barely ate all day. I actually felt lightheaded as I drove home. Not a great feeling. I probably didn't drink enough water. I just didn't have time to.
The argument with my boyfriend didn't help matters either. I ended up just a half point over my allowance for the day (awesome), but all I want is Wendy's. How sick am I? I am sick. I am also STARVING.
I think today is an emotional eating day. I just want to munch on EVERYTHING. I'm trying to think of something I have around the house that counts as zero points that would also be considered comfort food... But it's almost 11, and I have plans to get up and out of the house early tomorrow to run a few errands before work. I'm not sure how well that is going to go. Yikes. Double yikes. Triple yikes. I feel like I'm a mess. I feel like I'm utterly out of control.
And I gained almost three pounds over the weekend??? What???? I mean, I know I ate like shit, but how come it's so easy to pack it on and so hard to whack it off? It's just not fucking fair.
I just need to go to sleep so I can forget about it... but how does one sleep when one's mind is racing about how starving one is?
I think the answer might be The Decemberists....
But I worked it out so that tomorrow I can have my damned Wendy's. I can nom a salad and a baked potato for 19 Points. I usually get in 15 during the day, so that would only put me three over, and I have 34.5 flex Points to work with for the rest of the week.
God, I am so sick. I hate this relationship I have with food. Sometimes, I wish I could be one of those people who don't really care about food, and only eat it to maintain bodily functions. They're all like, man, I don't feel so hot... oh yeah, I forgot to eat.
FORGOT TO EAT????
How is that even possible? How can one "forget to eat?" It is the one activity that I look forward to during my day. I cannot WAIT to chow down on something - anything. Eating is so glorious... And beautiful... and goddamned wonderful... I wish I didn't like it so much. Everything would be so much easier if I didn't love food.
But I am going to do this. I have to do this. I am so TIRED of being fat! I don't like this little bulge I've developed that makes the front of my jeans look all lumpy. It used to be flat... or at least, it could be disguised as being flat...
I guess nothing tastes as good as being thin feels. Sick as it is, I stole that from an anorexia blog. Talk about will power... holy crappola...
Grr at my fat self. GRR!